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When Dana Simpson cranked out Phoebe and Her Unicorn, I knew that I had to write a fan song for it. It is a comic about a nine-year-old human whose best friend is a vain, yet pleasant, unicorn. This could be the next Calvin & Hobbes. Check it out at www.gocomics.com/phoebe-and-her-unicorn, and see the artist’s blog and more at danasimpson.com.


So you skipped a stone across a calm lake
And you hit a magical creature by mistake
It could have been a gnome or a faun or an elf
But this one can’t resist the reflection of herself
Now school may appear as even more of an endless chore
But in the video game of life, you just hit an unbeatable score

Just try to be happy; it should be easy enough
‘Cause your life is now chock-full of magical stuff
And when hard times make you rue the day you were born
Just remember your best friend is a unicorn

Total strangers act like your friend ain’t there
And she did some crazy things to your frenemy’s hair
Look behind the curtain and gaze in awe
At the other gorgeous beauties without flaw
Don’t listen to the other kids who think you’re a nut
Because you have a lifetime ticket to the land of Stupidbutt


Magic is the ultimate way to de-stress
Only you see beyond the Shield of Boringness
Having nerdy parents must be so great
Because your strange friend they know how to appreciate
Keep on hanging with your friend and you may see
The unknown face of Lord Splendid Humility


Pastel toys don’t cut it no more
You’ve got a crazy adventure in store
No other friend can top the list
Like an herbivorous quadrupedal narcissist
A creature like that needs a slap in the face
When she stops to gaze at her own grace
Your story fills the gap in my mind
That Calvin & Hobbes left behind


(By the way, Phoebe, where do these creatures hang out? I really gotta meet one.)


from Tornado of Squee, released March 18, 2015
words and music by Dandelion Golden Ears (my unicorn name)





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