We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

Hey Blondie, How​’​s It Going?

by Grottomatic

/

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $7 USD  or more

     

  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    Produced by my friends at Atlanta Disc, this is a physical copy, so you'll never have to worry about the number of devices or losing it on one of them.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Hey Blondie, How’s It Going? via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 4 days
    Purchasable with gift card

      $9 USD or more 

     

1.
Bad Decisions 03:59
lyrics
buy track
You said we should get lost driving, you insisted it would be great We ran out of gas in the Mojave miles from the nearest interstate You said we should do some sailing underneath a dark thunderhead You said we should break into an old house; it was condemned because the paint had lead CHORUS: You say we should seize each moment, yet you fail to understand That just because an idea is crazy does not automatically make it grand I like to do things at random, but I cheat death having fun with you You and your bad decisions make me question your IQ You said we should whack a beehive; I still have scars best undiscussed I knew from the beginning that skydiving down an elevator shaft would be a bust You said let’s play real-life Mario Kart, which left us both black-and-blue You even set me up with your Trekkie sister when you know that I like Doctor Who CHORUS What made me think you’d extinguish a match with some gasoline? I’m starting to think you ain’t the brightest person that I have ever seen You make Yogi Berra’s expressions sound like valid philosophies So I’m going to escape this friendship, because I’m sick of all these injuries CHORUS
2.
The Crazy Grand Dame 03:52
lyrics
buy track
There’s a social climber I know who takes every “no” for a “yes” She’s the cheekiest snob in the world, overbearingly status obsessed She has to be the centerpiece of every crowd In everything she does, she’s flamboyant and loud She has to do away with those who would bring her shame Most everybody knows her as the crazy grand dame CHORUS: She may live like a middle-class woman, but that ain’t what she wants to be She will not rest until she’s carried out her delusional fantasy The crazy grand dame is determined to succeed The crazy grand dame is an unrelenting weed The crazy grand dame is the problem of the day The crazy grand dame makes the people run away She has an outfit for every daily activity, grand or plain She uses fancy vocabulary to glamourize the mundane She’s always seeking upper-crust elbows to rub Forcing her way into each exclusive club She spends her husband’s paycheck with no traces of care That guy’s a big reminder of how life is not fair CHORUS She is so wrapped up in herself that she is unable to realize That she is an excruciating pain in the hind that almost everyone can’t help but despise Little does she know that others consider themselves better off without her She is so vain she probably thinks this song is about her (Well, in that respect, she’s right.)
3.
Stretchy Sumo Angel 03:25
lyrics
buy track
The big day has come, it’s time to enter the ring And nobody here knows of the beatdowns I bring Even when on opposing corners, I can still reach across I may look like a total freak, but I can still show them who’s boss CHORUS: I am the stretchy sumo angel, and the fight will be mine Equal parts elastic, pudgy, and divine Stand back and cower At my incredible power Because I am the stretchy sumo angel I wrap my opponents with just one arm in a grip While I use the other to double as a whip My wings work, but I am not the greatest flyer It’s hard to stay off the ground with my spare tire CHORUS “I may look like the incarnation of a bunch of ridiculous gimmicks, but you better believe that I am a rubber-infused fat-loaded flying machine! I’ll take you down like nothing you’ve ever seen before. Seriously, there’s nothing else like me, so it’s technically impossible to be matched. But still, I am ready to stretch my torso out as much as necessary to fit that victory belt around my incredibly wide waist! No one can resist the preposterous power of the unreal mix-and-match Stretchy Sumo Angel!”
4.
Empty Netflix Queue 05:09
lyrics
buy track
Walked out to the mailbox, just wondering what’s inside Another red envelope and my eyes are open wide I tear off the perforation and have a look at the sleeve I see some title that I find hard to believe I wonder just how far this will go This has happened several times in a row I check the site and get quite a scare My queue’s completely bare There’s not one entry there CHORUS A: I volunteer to pay They send a disc my way Nothing here but garbage in view The reason for this pile Of movies cheap and vile Is my empty Netflix queue A Victorian duchess trains goats to make duvets A hazmat team braves a town that has flatulence for haze Who knows the fate of Big Ben when a cog comes unscrewed? Two kids have to save a magic forest in the nude Some gal’s new glasses show her the dead A masseur survives a knife to the head A hawk moth joins a kingdom of bees What are these DVDs? I never asked for these! CHORUS A I’ve been better entertained by watching paint dry This world has certain filmmakers who should not even try What I’ve seen recently is just too awful to forget I wonder if Mike Nelson and his friends have seen this yet This would not be an issue if the video store weren’t dead I’d only have to give a care once in a while instead But nowadays we all have lengthy queues we must maintain For if we should neglect them, they shall cause us worlds of pain The fact that films like these exist just tears me up inside I could cut down my membership, but then I have my pride Gotta hold a brainstorm, gotta think about the past Gotta make a note of better films to be amassed I can think of movies that made me happy as a kid Maybe I memorized them but can’t remember if I did There are timeless classics that don’t look all that fun But I won’t know until I see at least one CHORUS B: It’s time to loosen up; the couch potato’s back Time to get inactive, ‘cause I got pounds to pack I wish I’d thought of this sooner, ‘cause it’s the perfect thing to do I’m filling up my empty Netflix queue Gonna clean up the sofa; it’s better to lounge than stand Gonna make sure popcorn, soda, and candy are on hand There’s no time to worry about my health on movie night Don’t mind the muffin tops or cellulite CHORUS B
5.
I Am 04:58
lyrics
buy track
I am a loving dog Ever eager for playtime or to cuddle I am a swamp-dwelling frog With a bunch of stagnant water to muddle I am a playful kangaroo I am the friendly type of dragon I am an undead cebú I am a living station wagon I am a squirrel with electrical powers that come in handy when my batteries are dead I am a sea-dwelling humanoid with a bendy straw coming from my head CHORUS: I am a genius with my drawing pad Switching forms always makes me glad Check out the many different forms I’ve had I am all of these, each in a different universe An army of one, endlessly diverse Whenever reality becomes a curse I am a sea-dwelling fox I am a hyperactive fairy I am a creature made of rocks Okay, I can be a little scary I am a part of Avatar By which I mean James Cameron’s Pandora But I don’t stop at that far I am also in the world of Aang and Korra I am an omnivorous dinosaur who can be friendly if given the chance I am something small and absurdly cute that will hypnotize you at the slightest glance CHORUS I come up with a fresh new look for almost every new flick or show If no one else has tried it yet, I’ll be the first to give it a go I don’t care if my friends call me nuts for being out of touch with reality And double everything I already said when going by rule sixty-three
6.
Addicted To Oranges 03:28
lyrics
buy track
Oh snap, I’m late for work again A project deadline is coming up fast It seems the dog tore up the den Atomic bombs have made smaller a blast The evening news is after me to seal my doom Because I absent-mindedly used the ladies’ room I just noticed that my credit card has gone amiss And yet all is well, for I have the fruit of bliss CHORUS: Segments of glory contained in a peel Always improving the way that I feel I’m stunned by this powerful orb in my hand I’m addicted to oranges, and life is so grand My favorite diner’s closing down My high school bully knows where I reside My daffodils are turning brown I said I’d call up my mom, but I lied I just tried to pass gas, but I think that I did more I may have just forgotten what a stethoscope is for The government is useless and the creeps are on the loose But I shall make it better with delicious balls of juice CHROUS Let that noisy cat on the upper floor whinge Forget about the rust jamming up my bedroom door hinge All my cares will disappear as I eat an orange (Glory hallelujah!) (Groovy, gnarly, boo-yah!) Sadly, it’s so hard to find the kind that has the seeds I would plant them everywhere to fill the planet’s needs If I swallow one, maybe it will germinate Having oranges growing from my body would be great
7.
O Savannah 03:18
lyrics
buy track
Well, I drove here from Atlanta ‘cause I was feeling bored I had this curious inkling that could not be ignored Keeping conscious by cold Pepsi on Interstate Sixteen To the East Coast of America, a grand historic scene O Savannah, O Savannah My first night out of town since that hotel in Indiana O Savannah, O Savannah I’ll bet you could inspire musicians like Carlos Santana Oh, the river walk is pleasant, but not while in a car What is that woman waving, and why is she a star? How the riverboats look lovely, but how much is the fare? There’s a bridge to South Carolina, but I’ve already been there O Savannah, O Savannah My first night out of town since that hotel in Indiana O Savannah, O Savannah It’s warm and humid in November like Louisiana Have you noticed all the parks here? They’re everywhere I turn These one-way streets that weave around them are so hard to learn City parks make navigation a huge pain in the rump But there is this one that has a bench on which sat Forrest Gump O Savannah, O Savannah My first night out of town since that hotel in Indiana O Savannah, O Savannah For flowers in your parks, you should consider the lantana Now I’m off to Tybee Island, excitement has increased I’ve never seen the ocean while my eyes are looking east Going back to the motel now, and dinner would be great I have not been to Denny’s since I left the Golden State O Savannah, O Savannah My first night out of town since that hotel in Indiana O Savannah, O Savannah You’re far too charming to gross out Rosanne Rosannadanna
8.
Habit 03:51
lyrics
buy track
It might seem crazy how it’s so obscure Guess it lacks that major chain allure It’s a phenomenon that befuddles me It’s insane how a fast food chain can have this quality (I love The Habit) Fell in love with the food the first time I took a bite Left my tongue catatonic and my stomach high as a kite If I got fat on this, I probably wouldn’t care ‘Cause it feels like the world is peaceful when I am there Here comes that big, curvy, yellow M I don’t see why everyone loves them Well, I ain’t gonna warn them I’ll be just fine I have found a better place to dine Here’s where They may have fewer options, but they do what they do well It’s the place I would choose if I had lunch with Pharrell Flashing lights and vibrations tell me the food is here Double char, fries, and soda always fill me with cheer Come on down, eat somethin’ Come on down, just give it a try Come on down, eat somethin’ Come on down, I said Come on down, eat somethin’ Come on down, the ratings are high Come on down, eat somethin’ Come on down, I said Come along with me now, let’s get an unhealthy meal If you think it’s fantasy, I’ll pinch you to prove it’s real Sometimes I pinch myself ‘cause I think I’m in a dream Suddenly I find it hard to miss the old Krispy Kreme Let my weight reach new highs, let my blood pressure soar I could be nearly dead and still I would ask for more I am beginning to forget how I did without Sadly, it mostly stays in the state that has In-N-Out Come on down, eat somethin’ Come on down, be you lady or guy Come on down, eat somethin’ Come on down, I said Tell the folks at McDonald’s that I’m never comin’ back I have found someplace new for my weekly heart attack Come along to The Habit and see what your mouth can take Finish off that cheeseburger and fries with a chocolate shake Spread the word for the sake of those who have never known We must tell everyone in each USA time zone Let us forget about our waistlines and what we weigh Time to wrap up this song, ‘cause I’m out of things to say
9.
Southern Summer Heat 03:04
lyrics
buy track
Another song of Georgia, and summertime is here Aside from occasional thunderheads, the sky is blue and clear I fill that popsicle mold with my own fruit-and-yogurt brew Activity here would plummet if Willis Carrier hadn’t come through If Mother Nature wants to tick me off, then her work is now complete How I hate the southern summer heat I keep hearing the Beach Boys when I turn the radio on Ice cream is in the freezer, and the window curtains are drawn I play a video game and go to the world with snow and ice I know it’s just a placebo, but I still think it feels nice The only blessing on my mind now is that the peaches are ready to eat The one advantage to the southern summer heat The air conditioner’s broken, and I can’t take it no more If you need me, I’ll be lying naked on the bathroom floor Maybe I should pack up for Portland or Tacoma Where there’s no fear of sweat stroke or melanoma There is a slight advantage to this humidity The rain always makes the temperature drop, and that is fine by me But sadly it pours all at once, and it’s gone as quick as it came It doesn’t last throughout the day, and that’s a crying shame It usually feels like I’m taking a nap on a sunny street That’s every day in the southern summer heat
10.
Bring That Brony Back 04:21
lyrics
buy track
Do you remember when you first saw the show? How it picked you up when you were feeling low You didn’t care that you were told That you’re a man and you’re too old By other guys whose minds we had yet to blow But something went amiss along the way Suddenly this work of art became passé You used to think the ponies rule But in a flash it wasn’t cool And now you want to keep the Bronies at bay CHORUS A: You got your questions and they all must be answered Come help us tear down a double standard If it’s positivity you want but you lack Come on and bring that Brony back This fandom was once the place to be Where men can still retain their masculinity Sure, there’s an episode or two That left the viewers feeling blue But that don’t make the show any worse to me It don’t matter which character you prefer Just pick your favorite and stick with her No reason can be based To call you a fool with poor taste Whether she’s white, pink, yellow, cyan, orange, or lavender CHORUS A CHORUS B: Watching this girl show makes us men effervescent We can’t get this from an antidepressant Put your mind at ease and give the tension some slack Come on and bring that Brony back Cartoons are no longer stuck on Saturday It does more good than prescription Depress-Away Watch it on your desktop or on TV And you won’t think that Bronies sometimes behave so strangely
11.
Returning To The Falls 04:17
lyrics
buy track
Oh, what a summer of mystery it was Stuck in an Oregon town that has no buzz Mom and Dad told us to gather our things and pack For family time in a place called the Mystery Shack The weirdness began when I found the mysterious book My sister got her hands on a grappling hook In a flash we were dealing with gnomes and manotaurs On to video games and even dinosaurs CHORUS: I wish I could name a time I found any better than That strange and magical summer that we spent with Grunkle Stan But the season finished fast, we go where the future calls But in days to come we’ll find ourselves returning to the Falls Mabel and Gideon were an ugly match Turned out he was a not-so-chivalrous catch Wendy was great, but we weren’t meant to be In her own words she was too old for me Light through the crystals makes things small or big Mabel had always wanted her very own pig Soos likes to crank out fun from the mundane Blendin’s voice makes eardrums scream in pain CHORUS Robbie ain’t such an awful guy There’s more to Pacifica than meets the eye I made a connection with the Multibear Countless friends and memories we both made out there I am pining for those days; they truly were the bomb ‘Til we got back on the bus, returning home to Dad and Mom Those days went by so quick, and now it seems time crawls But we pinkie-swear that someday we’re returning to the Falls The majestic pines above, the creepy bunker below We will reconnect with all those crazy creatures that we know From elusive unicorns to those who control the balls We will find them all again upon returning to the Falls
12.
Omnivore 04:39
lyrics
buy track
No color and no power upon my big premiere And then within an hour I have kicked the penguin’s rear Now I’m overinflated, spreading food across the land This game was soon outdated, and too many found it bland But I was a sensation when I got colored pink And foe assimilation took my style beyond the brink The concept was presented, and now it is my core Forever I’m cemented as an omnivore I proved that I am what I eat And the concept is really quite neat As my journey still extends on a path that seldom bends It’s nice to share the journey with one of my new friends An owl, a fish, a hamster if you wish A parrot and a cat and some kind of seafood dish With them each chore gets more done than before No mess and no stress with the omnivore I remember this one time when the powers I got were a blast I could briefly combine two at once, but the concept was too good to last But since those days, each power that I get gives me a new style They also have multiple functions, and that makes all the players smile And ever since I got like that The UFO seems so bland and flat Never before has my lunch Been so quick to help pack a punch It’s easy to remember names of places in the land where I live And it’s mostly because a lot of them are so cute and alliterative Dream Land is all about cuteness, and we’re all gonna stick to that plan At least so it seems in Japan But underneath the stripes and stars I hang around in sports bars I’m a macho fighter with stubble and battle scars My favorite automobile Is a motorcycle with one wheel I got purpose in my eyes and nerves of steel I fix my own hog and my GPS is all in my brain I’m all about guns and grills and power tools, and I know how to dish out the pain Wait, that reminds me, I’m still on the chase To find something evil and mess up its face All this calamity eats up my sanity I’ll bet the final boss would even club a manatee I still have extra lives just in case I should make a mistake But if ever your energy dives, then you should take a break It’s easy to lose track of time while playing my classic hits But moderation is the key to keep your brains from turning to grits The distance takes time to cross, but the time ain’t worth the loss From the flowery hills to that scary final boss Until now this adventure has been cheery and saccharine Now I’m facing an abomination, sharp claws, glowing eyes, evil grin It looks like the stuff from my nightmares, but I still have to give it my best My games are never all that hard, so if I lose, folks will be unimpressed I got skills and power to show And I haven’t much further to go See the grin become a frown With its HP running down As I give it the final blow From multiple angles! Wham! Bam! Pow! Kaboooooooooooooom! And so I saved the day, now Popstar is okay And all the civil residents see me and shout “Hooray!” We romp and play once more, which never is a bore And there’s no higher score for the omnivore
13.
When I’m Dead, Part 3 06:50
lyrics
buy track
I ain’t getting younger, but I still want to dance When listening to current tunes I will still eat cereal that’s on the sweet side While I watch Saturday cartoons Yes, I’m a grown man, but why should I care? Should I be all depressed instead? I live only once, and I want to enjoy it But I’ll slow down when I’m dead I don’t care what’s hip now; I like what I like It’s in the posters on my wall You may like the day spa, but I’ll take the arcade After running laps around the mall I like to observe obscure holidays The big ones are a pain in the head I believe in fun and staying active But I’ll chill out when I’m dead I’ll drink my weight in soda pop and ride out the buzz I’ll skip along the riverside just like a child does And when cabin fever knocks at my gate I’ll pack my car and wander on the interstate So I refuse to wait for happiness to arrive I’ll make it up as I go I’ll just run around and make a fool of myself If I desire to do so I don’t care if I end up underground Or where my ashes are spread I’ll have all the time to put my feet up And take it slow when I’m dead

about

This is another labor of love that is entirely by me. In addition to keys, vocal, and programming, this album even contains some work on guitar as well as straw flute (which is just the average plastic straw whistling into one end).

credits

released August 18, 2018

license

tags

about

Grottomatic

contact / help

Contact Grottomatic

Streaming and
Download help

Report this album or account

Grottomatic recommends:

If you like Grottomatic, you may also like:

Bandcamp Daily  your guide to the world of Bandcamp

On Bandcamp Radio

Beans joins the show to discuss his album release, "ZWAARD".

listen now