Don’t Burn the Toys

from by Grottomatic

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

      $1 USD  or more


  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    Comes in a thin case. I drew that myself.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Tornado of Squee via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 7 days

      $9 USD or more 



If you have an empty nest, your wife may develop pyromania and use your children’s toys for kindling. Keep a vigilant eye on what happens around your empty home


It’s been a month since our youngest moved out, and now we are all alone
And we can no longer make our kids do the dishes or see that the lawn is mown
The toys are gathering dust right now, just because they’ve been long unused
Now it’s just me and my pyromaniac wife, and she’s nothing but confused
She just wants to have a little fun
Now that her motherly duties are done
But I’m just trying to convince her to keep her cool

Don’t burn the toys tonight
We should save them for posterity
Baby, you know it ain’t right
Perhaps we could give them to charity
Think of the future for just one moment
Sad little girls and boys
Darling, please try to understand
Don’t burn the toys

I still remember when we went for a drive, and we both heard sirens blare
She followed a fire engine to the inferno, just so she could stop and stare
I can’t forget when we went to the beach just to have a weenie roast
She brought a large tank of gasoline, and the weenies tasted like burned toast
If it ever gets too cold outside
She wouldn’t mind having the whole house fried
She hates to keep the fire in the fireplace



from Tornado of Squee, released March 18, 2015





contact / help

Contact Grottomatic

Streaming and
Download help