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On No Budget

by Grottomatic

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    Tired of losing that mp3 data? Well, now you can buy my first album, "On No Budget," on CD! This collection includes my thoughts on Krispy Kreme Doughnuts, stuff I find overrated, and the epic before-and-after project with my opinions on My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic

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1.
Cheeseburgers ain't healthy, gasoline ain't cheap A motel room is not the nicest place to sleep Traveling ain't easy when you're short on dough You have to cut down on the distance you want to go But thanks to those at Google Earth, I'm satisfied I can get away without even going outside CHORUS: Clicking and dragging is how I roll (When the highway calls my name) No need to fill the tank or pay the toll (When I have no cash to claim) I'm on a virtual road trip, and there's so much to see Even when stuck at home, I'm still free My car is staying put, no need to load I'm zoomed in nice and low on the open road Cruising along by clicking and dragging the mouse I'm taking a scenic drive inside my house I can see in an hour what would take a week I don't need to search for a place to take a leak CHORUS Sometimes I think these roads are getting plain So I follow the rails and pretend I'm on a train Some prefer to fly But I'm not that kind of guy Flying causes me to go insane
2.
I still remember when the ice cream truck used to come by our street I and the other kids would rush to the sidewalk for a fifty-cent frozen treat Some popsicles had ice cream inside while others had a gumball like a balloon There were cups with chocolate or strawberry stripes and a stupid flat wooden spoon Some came in sandwiches, some on sticks I got so much pleasure from my sugar fix But nowadays no frozen novelties are worth making unless they come from some kind of TV show I heard they even replaced some old trucks with minivans long ago It doesn't matter whether things taste good, it's the stuff that today's kids know Why did the classics have to go? (I didn't ask for tasteless garbage. / Even drug store ice cream is boring. DANCE!) Heading to the mall with half a Dairy Queen No burgers, hot dogs, or fries, that's what I mean They still have my favorite concoctions on hand They know how to meet my frozen treat demand But it would still be nice if the real food were there It's hard to find burgers and ice cream for cheap in my town anywhere At least anything worth eating, I think it's time to find some place with the awesome junk food and all
3.
Avatar 04:18
James Cameron, you’ve really blown my mind I forgive you for Titanic; believe me, it’s fine For more than two hours, I was so amazed Your movie had taken over my mind for days As wonderful as it was, it was hard for me To realize that such a beautiful place could never be The city streets had seemed so gray; the fruit had seemed so dry And never had I felt like such a pitiful guy CHORUS: I wish that Avatar were real If only our ecosystem could work that way You don’t know how bummed out I feel Reality is the biggest price to pay I’ve wished my closet contained a magical land I’ve wished I could crawl up walls and shoot silk from my hand But I woke up after Avatar, thinking life was so unfair I don’t live on Pandora; I wish I were there! My astronomy professor mentioned the distant moon He said that no technology could get us there soon To get there would take well over one hundred thousand years When this little fact was mentioned, I burst into tears CHORUS (Avatar) I just want to be Where I can hang out with the Na’Vi (Avatar) I want to live in a tree And make the wildlife listen to me (Avatar) I just want to be Where I can hang out with the Na’Vi (Avatar) I want to live in a tree And make the wildlife listen to me
4.
Chocolate is lingering on my mind Other snacks are what I need to find For I am giving chocolate a break for seven days But cutting back makes me behave the most unusual ways Farmers far away in Chocolate Land Can’t work fast enough to meet demand So here I take a break from eating that delicious stuff But if I am the only one, it will not be enough For chocolate far down the road, I must cut back today Yet visions of these brown delights are not going away It’s hard to keep my self-control while on this chocolate break But it’s a sacrifice that everyone must make It’s all I can think about Stuck in my mind, won’t come out I just wish that it would let me be It will not be long before I’m free Studies show that dark chocolate is good food for the heart So this could be quite risky and not so very smart Studies show that milk chocolate is good food for the brain If I don’t get a proper dose, then I might go insane! For chocolate far down the road, we must cut back today For if we don’t, oh what a nasty price we’ll have to pay So everyone should do as I do for the future’s sake We all must work as one and take a chocolate break!
5.
Doctor Who 03:59
A curious notion was all that it took I thought that I could sneak one harmless look I just had to know why Everyone loves that guy Who lives in a box painted blue I had just discovered Doctor Who I watched the Doctor travel with this cute girl named Rose I saw him beat the Daleks, his ultimate foes The Doctor’s too great For them to exterminate How they keep coming back, I’ve no clue I get psyched when watching Doctor Who The Ood’s mission Is strange and confusing Why don’t they desire to be free? This so-called physician Says stuff that is amusing And the action is so fun to see Sometimes I start wishing it weren’t just a show I love to board the TARDIS and see where I’d go But I only feel Relieved that it’s not real When I pass by an angel statue I got scared to death by Doctor Who Things can get hairy For those who cross the Master He loves to cause others pain It makes him merry To cause a huge disaster And he loves to be called insane The new show is better in every way It’s gaining momentum in the U. S. of A. If this show you don’t see In the same way as me I know I’ll make a fan out of you Who needs Kirk, McCoy, and Spock? This one’s steady as a rock I’m a crazy fan of Doctor Who I just can’t stop watching Doctor Who
6.
We have Star Wars and Harry Potter, Narnia and Lord of the Rings These are so deeply tattooed in our minds, and shout-outs come in all sorts of things But there’s a brand new media frenzy that I still just don’t understand Over a certain cartoon made for preteen girls, but it seems everypony’s calling it grand It all began when Twilight Sparkle finally came out of her shell She got together with her five new friends to drive away a nocturnal spell Apparently, it’s quite cool with men for reasons I cannot explain My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic has gone straight to everyone’s brain CHORUS: There is no escape at this time; the Bronies have landed! And I still have yet to figure out how this online fad occurred They believe the show is sublime, and they will have me branded As a fool with poor taste unless I join the herd This show will not vanish anytime soon; I’ve never seen such a big meme I wake up every morning horrified to discover that it wasn’t a dream Because the Bronies are out in full force, and I question their sanity They would give up a chance to see the Blue Angels live for Rainbow Dash on TV They don’t remember what fun was like before they found Pinkie Pie I forgot what to say for Applejack or Rarity or Fluttershy So far I’ve managed to avoid the Bronies, but I must keep standing strong If I’m not careful, I’ll become one of them, and I fear that it will not be long! CHORUS Every day, I check the sites New videos without copyrights Music or visuals the makers don’t own Like the “Sonic Rainboom” set to “Danger Zone” I fear that I’m coming near the day When I watch the show and it makes me decay I’ll be a mere shadow of my former self With pony merchandise on display on every shelf I must confess that it does seem appealing.
7.
It came not too long after I first found out And I felt ashamed how this town did without Just another great place that none here did know The pleasure of watching those rings of dough They slowly expand as the racks fall and rise Then a quick hot oil bath, just enough for both sides Then the glaze is poured on and it waits to congeal Such a glorious snack, not good for a meal But of course it was too good to last How could something like this end so fast? CHORUS: Goodbye Krispy Kreme Living on in a dream And too many miles away How I pray you return Should the people here learn That we should not eat these everyday Such a shame that you could not stay One doughnut could brighten the darkest of days Even if it had naught but that sweet layer of glaze When chocolate creme was placed on the top That’s what made this such a great doughnut shop With the juice of the oranges to rinse it all down I could not keep my face in a frown Had I just been to a funeral or even lost work Those sweet classic doughnuts still drove me berserk If I only knew what would come Now I have a great void like a drum CHORUS Who here could see that it would not be long Before all those doughnuts we loved would be gone? People only want coffee, but nothing to munch As a pleasure that comes between breakfast and lunch A new coffee shop had taken its place As they rubbed all their fame in the Krispy Kreme’s face Now the only thing left to keep my hope alive Is the next time I see one on a long drive But locations are so hard to find Why is it always haunting my mind? CHORUS
8.
Not So Great 02:37
Hello, everybody. Here is a boring little song about stuff that I call. . . Not so great, not so great Not so great, not so great Classic Game & Watch, Nintendo’s early ‘80s creation Anything purchased at McDonald’s, at least in its home nation Riding in an airliner, don’t care where it’s going to Banana pudding with or without Nillas; I do not care for that yellow goo Not so great, not so great Not so great, not so great Extremely hot sunny days, motion-sensing public restrooms Batman, Superman, Peanuts comics, out-of-this-world perfumes Most kinds of Mexican food, any Michael Jackson song Southern California from May to October, movies that are three hours long Not so great, not so great Not so great, not so great Not so great, not so great Not so great, not so great There are few greater ways to waste time than to read a plotless, thrown-together romance novel about a girl with an extremely low IQ falling in love with a sparkly vampire against whom she should be seeking a restraining order.
9.
What if I can’t find the source of a sound? What if I just find a corpse on the ground? What if I spontaneously combust when no one’s around? What if I die from the light of the sun? What if I fall over when I run? What if I’m with a girl and she cuts one? What if I come across a rip in time and make a drastic change in history? What if I have to go into the woods and be surrounded by coniferous trees? CHORUS: I’m the master of phobias; I fear everything When it comes to paranoia, I am the king I can’t even go for a walk in the park I’d lock myself in a closet, but I fear the dark What if a psychic and I should meet? What if my socks get too damp on my feet? What if I can’t hold it on the road and I ruin the seat? What if the world around me is a play? What if a whole nest of bees comes my way? What if I’m in a strong wind and it blows my clothes away? What if I pop the question to my girl and she tells me to go and die? What if my weight drops down to zero and I fall into the sky? Oh, no! CHORUS I’m afraid of getting chopped to bits by the shrapnel that comes from mowing the lawn I’m afraid of being stuck all alone in the dark, so I keep the night-light on I’m washing my hands constantly because I fear germs and fleas I try to find comfort in the Bible, but then I find gruesome prophecies Somebody help me! CHORUS CHORUS It makes me scared just singing about it, so I’ll just end this song!
10.
Soft hills, green grass It's a free art class White clouds, blue skies How sweet on sore eyes Tall trees, calm lakes Fret not for mistakes Mountains stand strong I’ve been here how long? So much spare time I count as loss All thanks to that one guy known as Bob Ross CHORUS: The Joy of Painting is on TV And I can’t change the channel for the life of me ‘Cause it’s already started and I must see The picture complete Here in my seat Put up my feet Gee, ain’t it neat! I see a shack Decomposing black Who lives in there? Squatters who don’t care The fence breaks down As I lounge around I realize How quickly times flies Why did I peek at this dumb show? Once I get started, I just can’t say no CHORUS Hours, days, weeks I’m the king of idle freaks I’m watching my life fly away But I’m not on the dock of the bay, which is a much better place to waste time. CHORUS
11.
I've been on my fair share of virtual road trips, And I've found many a curious small town Just like Mount Airy where Andy Griffith grew up You can see the signs of his show all around (Find it in North Carolina) A man stands on a street corner in Winslow, Arizona Just like in the Eagles' classic song (Where's the woman in the Ford truck?) The folks in Ashland, Oregon, are crazy for Shakespeare Life is a stage, and we all must play along CHORUS: Some may think I'm nuts, some may hate my guts, (All they see is) And look at me like I eat my frozen yogurt with a fork (One crazy guy) But if it's not well-known, I want to see the zone (It's inspiring) And keep on thinking nothing about New York A sign in Bishop, California, marks the beginning Of the long and lonely road to Provincetown (Far away in Massachusetts) The first JC Penney is in Diamondville, Wyoming, A state where the population is down (At least that's what I have been told) Seventy-six trombones lead the big parade in Mason City, Iowa, The town that Meredith Wilson called his own (Where is Gary, Indiana?) And if you're looking for Frisco, go to Colorado or Texas, Not California's foggy coastal zone CHORUS Lucy and Ricky bought a house in Westport, Connecticut, Mainly for the benefit of their son I think of Truth or Consequences, New Mexico, And wonder if lying is ever done Mitchell, South Dakota, has a palace made of corn Maybe someday I will have a look One Pennsylvania town has a rather risque name, And they have heard every dirty joke in the book Now I know my interest in such places may seem strange, Mainly because I haven't even seen one of them, but that may change!
12.
I could hardly believe my ears and eyes when I first discovered the craze I observed it from afar and called it wrong in so many ways After weathering storms of fan gush, I wondered how I’d recover from this But it was only the beginning of a beautiful metamorphosis My friends were telling me to swallow my pride, but I still believed they were wrong I said that they should be taken away But they reassured me that I’d be okay ‘Cause I’d have a whole new perspective someday And they were right all along I can’t remember when I last felt the way that I feel right now Every time I see the show, it delivers my brain a KA-POW! This was not supposed to happen; this is going against my plan But a girly cartoon about ponies has made me a brand new man! I could not comprehend my Brony friends and what they would watch on TV I believed they would call me a fool with poor taste, but they never did that to me Now I see all the crazy reasons for the peace I can see on each face The show restores my faith in humanity, and it kicks my depression into space In fact, I feel even more like a man in my heart and body and mind I want the people at Netflix to know That I forgive them for letting go Of Fawlty Towers and The Cosby Show I’m leaving my past behind The demographic at which this show is aimed does not include me But I don’t care what the haters say; the show always fills me with glee The premiere truly surprised me, in a way that few things can Still, a girly cartoon about ponies has made me a brand new man! Fluttershy is sensitive and always seems to care When there’s a need for someone strong, Applejack is there Rarity’s a little vain but quick to sacrifice Pinkie Pie knows how to party, and I think that’s nice Rainbow Dash is greatest when it comes to bravery I’ve noticed Twilight Sparkle is an awful lot like me I’ve never been the same ever since I joined the herd It’s never felt so good just to be a nerd Sometimes a veil of sadness blots out my positivity’s glow For someday an episode will air, and it will bring an end to the show But we’ll keep on writing fanfics and producing pony art The end of the show will not pull us apart We will go to any lengths to keep the show alive And make the world ready for Generation Five I used to care about being cool, but now I’m a satisfied square If any Pony events come to town, you’d better believe I’ll be there I know that it’s rather risky; I may be disowned by my clan Still, a girly cartoon about ponies has made me a brand new man!

about

I have been writing goofy songs for a couple years now, but I have experienced quite a bit of trouble getting them recorded and figuring out how to sell my music online. But it's finally out! I recorded this whole album (except Avatar) on my home computer, and that is why it sounds so cheap. I couldn't afford a real recording studio complete with a professional record producer and excellent backup musicians, so I had to make the best of what I had. Maybe I will revisit some of these tunes with a professional recording team someday. But for now, enjoy the nerdy music.
-Tim

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released December 12, 2012

Grottomatic is:
Tim Stevens (piano, vocals, programming, actually everything)

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